After Jay died I was fortunate to meet and marry Eddie. When I bought my second wedding gown I promised myself that I would not just hang it in the closet or the attic. That promise has turned into a vow to wear it at least once for every year of our marriage. The second time I wore it I asked my friend to come over and help me dress, since I couldn't easily lace up the back. I drove to the airport (tricky with the seat belt and long skirt) to pick Eddie up from a reunion. I watched the door and as soon as he exited the terminal I jumped out of the car, ran to him shouting, "Eddie, Eddie...I couldn't do it! It's YOU that I want!" He laughed and shook his head and we got in the car for the ride home. That started the traditional of wearing it every spring, which soon evolved into the anniversary dress code. We have gone out for dinner, gone to the botanical garden, visited my mom, and this year celebrated with breakfast. Most people ask if we just got married or congratulate us on our anniversary. Everybody smiles and appears to enjoy being part of someone else's special day. We now have a collection of photos and a whole lot of great memories. This year Eddie had to lace me up and was reminded of the script of "Gone With the Wind". YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAVE A NINETEEN INCH WAIST AGAIN MISS SCARLETT.
What Are You Making?
A few weeks ago I was making a complex (for me) recipe. It was multiplied by six for several loaves of Easter bread that I was making for others. I made it last year so I had one past experience under my belt. When I took this picture it struck me that the image did not give away what the finished product would be, nor could you tell all of the ingredients. There are so many recipes and so many cookbooks. Each one requiring specific ingredients and particular cooking methods. Just like people, right? We all have different histories, different life experiences, different talents, different preferences, different resources, and different aspirations. We go about things in our own way, sometimes more efficiently than others. Think about having a life coach that helps you (re?) discover your dreams, create action plans, compose affirmations, and create the life that you want and deserve. There is more good news; No kitchen clean up is required!
An Old Wound Being Covered by New Growth
Years ago I mounted a flag bracket on this tree. As I recall, one of the screws was difficult to seat and went only partially into the wood. The bracket seemed adequately secured by the other two. There was no nearby electrical outlet so the flag was dutifully taken in at dusk, on the days that it flew. One very windy day the force of the whipping flag yanked the bracket out of the tree. When taking out the remaining screws the bracket broke. Taking the lazy path, it was decided to leave the remaining piece on the tree and mount a new bracket closer to the house, near an outlet. I completely forgot about that bracket until this year's snow melted and I was near this tree. I was quite struck by the healing capacity of that tree. You can see the new growth growing right over the old metal. How often are we stopped in our tracks by some perceived slight, a small misfortune, missing a deadline, not being chosen, being disappointed in our own performance...? So many times the only impediment to accomplishment is our own illusion of failure. Learn from the tree. Keep growing until the old experience is made nearly invisible by some future success.
You Still Have a Job to Do
I love to send friends mail that I know will make them smile. I sometimes write "throw away" on the envelope or package because I know that the initial reaction is the real value and there is no reason to keep the item (which is often quite worthless and sometimes strange). So mailboxes are important to me. This one happens to be in my neighborhood and I chuckle every time I pass it. It is old, rusted, collapsing on its legs, and very faded. Yet, I often see people pull up beside it to deposit their outgoing mail. The carrier picks it up and it enters the system for delivery. The outward condition of the metal has no bearing on the arrival of the mail at its destination. Keep that in mind the next time that you are feeling that someone younger or better looking, more nicely dressed or with a higher educational degree is a better person than you. We all shine in certain categories and have life and work experience that gives us a unique perspective on events or patience and problem solving skills when the situation arises. Remember to pay value to your past successes. They give you credibility and confidence when approaching tasks that could be daunting to someone else. Coaching enhances those qualities that make you so valuable.
What Color Will You Choose?
Filling plastic Easter eggs with candy is a time honored tradition. As I put them in the big basket I mentally calculated how many colors there were and which color had the most eggs. Of course, I also thought about which colors I favored. A room full of people would probably have differed on the preference question. Our preferences are one of the things that differentiate us from each other. Listening to people order meals at a restaurant is another example of individual taste. Watching people shop for groceries is another. Who likes broccoli better than spinach or granola more than corn flakes? Preferences often feed out strengths as well. If I prefer "How To" books to cookbooks I will probably be better at tasks in the garage than in the kitchen. Knowing that about myself gives me the advantage of preparing adequately for a family dinner. It also fills me with pride when I can fix something! Acknowledge what you like, see what you are good at and educate yourself where necessary.
Moving is One Transition
Moving from one location to another is an occasion when we have to pack boxes. How about when we renovate the kitchen, update a treatment room, paint and decorate a bedroom, downsize a parent, or finally clean out and give away years worth of "stuff"? Each of these scenarios represents change. Change can happen suddenly or after careful and pain staking consideration. The contemplated change can generate significant stress while researching options, consulting experts, getting the opinions of friends and relatives, looking at costs and trends, and honestly respecting our own preferences. Sometimes that last element is the hardest to achieve. We often have a tendency to pay closer attention to what others think. We think that they are more knowledgable, have better taste or don't trust our own instincts. Coaching helps to bring clarity to our own talents, needs and preferences. So often people express a thought that points to a desired possibility. Coaching calls most often take on one category at a time and dedicated listening picks up those nuances. When one's own words are reflected back the insights can be remarkable.
Courage to Do a Job
Here is another post inspired by a day in Manhattan. I happened to look up and saw three people suspended by harnesses cleaning windows several stories above our heads. They were securely attached to ropes and appeared to be nonchalantly doing their jobs, while swaying with the wind and oblivious to our gawking expressions. It made me think about how many things we do routinely, because it is expected of us, because it is in our job description, or because it needs to be done and there is no one else around. Other people may look at what we do and think it is "cool", difficult to learn, hard to master, requiring specialized skill, or an emotional feat. How nice it would be to compare opinions with others and discover that something we do, as a matter of course, is thought to require some unique quality on our part. There are undoubtedly parts of our day that someone else would be hard pressed to duplicate, because of skill or aversion. Yet, we perform them without a second thought. What if someone pointed out the courage or patience, or education or fortitude that it took to get where we are. Coaching is like that. It helps you see through the layers of disappointment and frustration (like the grim on dirty windows) and develop a plan clear vision of the future that YOU want.
Locked Out
Being in Manhattan for the St.Patrick's Day parade was great fun, as usual. I have the privilege of marching with County Laois up Fifth Avenue. Seeing this lock on a US mailbox stunned me. I had never seen one before and had to walk back a couple of blocks because I wanted to capture the image. While I have not investigated the implications of this procedure, I did appreciate the metaphor for life. There are times that a virtual message just won't do. I want the recipient to open, touch and save my greeting. What if I had carefully chosen a card with exactly the right sentiment, gone to the post office for a stamp, found my address book to look up the mailing address and been confronted with this circumstance? The words would have gone unexpressed, that special person would have thought they were unacknowledged, and I would have been frustrated in my effort to do something nice. Translate that scenario into a time when you wanted to say something and didn't...hesitation, embarrassment, shyness, waiting for the exact right words, or any other excuse that prevented the expression from reaching the ears of the other person. Let coaching help you find your voice and strengthen your resolve to have it heard.
Feeling Worn Out?
My mom is 95 and will be moving into an assisted living facility. In the process of cleaning out her kitchen I found many old things, some with memories. I found this knife, along with the sharpener that worked this blade many times. As soon as I saw it I knew that I wanted to create a message focused on wear and tear. We have all experienced it, in one intensity or another. Sometimes it is related to lack of sleep because of an infant or cranky toddler; Sometimes the fatigue is due to tax season, reports or papers that are due, house repairs, weather related inconvenience, travel obligations, or even parties. At other times the wear is . more related to physical exertion or poor health or sloppy eating habits. Maybe we have over committed for volunteer activities or people we care about need our help. In any case, there are expectations that we have to meet. We can be worn and STILL be sharp. Coaching helps with planning, learning to ask for help, figuring out which are the things that we really care about and putting a plan into action.
Having a Friend and Being One
I had the opportunity to entertain a houseful of friends while celebrating a very happy family event. I ordered cardboard bakery circles from a restaurant supply company and hot glued tulle to make a hanging drape for around the neck. The result was a mock medal for each of my Gold Medal Friends. As I wrote each name I was able to recall special memories from decades of history. They ranged from funny to sorrowful, instructive to touching. It was a time to reflect on my good fortune in having these people in my life. Over the years we have consoled each other when times were rough, cajoled each other when times were tough and listened patiently when that's all that was required. Rarely did we coach each other. That degree of attention to word choice was absent and the tone and energy went unnoticed. Those are important elements in coaching. If you need more than an ear when communicating with a friend, be specific. Alert them to the category with which you are struggling. Perhaps they can point out where your voice resonates. It might help you focus on something you hadn't considered. Consider entering into an official coaching relationship with a professional and see what it feels like when someone REALLY listens to you.
The Road to Nowhere
There was heavy snow in New Jersey yesterday. Yesterday I spent a few hours shoveling while it was still coming down. Thank goodness! The accumulation this morning would have been significantly more daunting, otherwise. The main road in front of my house was well plowed and getting to work should have been fine, once my car was uncovered. What I wasn't counting on was the amount of snow that the plows had pushed in front of my driveway. It was hard and heavy and about three feet high and four feet deep and across the front of my car. So...we got to work and about nine "man hours" later the problem was solved. However, another area that we count on for extra parking was absolutely covered with deep, hard snow because of the plowing. (Please note that I am very grateful for the wonderful job that my town does clearing the roads. The resulting snow on my property is just the collateral effect.) When I took this photo it was because I had just realized that there was no real reason to have shoveled the walk since no one would be parking and approaching the front door from this direction. The lesson I learned was that even when we are faced with what looks like a dead end, it is often temporary in nature. Snow melts. Circumstances change. Health improves. The check clears. The sun comes out. We get a good night's sleep. We speak to our coach!
Blooming vs.Bare
Returning from our Tuesday morning walk my attention was directed to this tree. It is called "Arnold's Promise" (of the witch hazel family). My friend told me that it always blooms at this time of year, in spite of the fact that spring is several weeks away. I was inspired by the early presence of blossoms and the lovely scent, reminiscent of fresh laundry. Here was nature reminded me that the winter will end and we will be surrounded by new life once again. We need to be reminding ourselves that new life resides within us, waiting to be coaxed out by plans for the future, the wish to help others or the desire to make change in the world. How often do we feel immobilized by fear, apathy, fatigue, or inertia? The inspiration to take action can come from within when we engage in conversation with a willing partner who challenges us to awaken the child or arm the warrior or prepare the scholar. Therein lies the beauty of coaching! Let this image become yours as you call it "Insert Your Name's Promise".
Beacon of Light
Several years ago this building caught my attention as we came home from Yonkers. Was that really a lighthouse on top of a building? I took a picture because I couldn't quite believe it. Doing some online research I discovered that over one hundred years ago a publishing company was housed in that building on University Avenue. The mission of the H.W. Wilson publishing company was, "To give guidance to those seeking their way through the maze of books and periodicals, without which they would be lost." Long before the internet existed, people had to spend hours looking for printed material to support or refute their ideas and theories. Research took hours and hours, that turned into days and days. The Readers Guide to Periodical Literature (published by Wilson) was a favored tool used to facilitate that process. What a wonderful visual symbol that lighthouse has become for me. As a coach I help people find their own way.
Tree Fairies
When was the last time that you made a wish? How long has it been since you had a water gun fight or skipped down the street? Have you ever danced with your spouse just because you heard a special song, no matter where you were? Did you ever wear your wedding gown on your anniversary when you go to a nice restaurant or just for fun? Wear a tuxedo in Home Depot? Eat breakfast for dinner? Sing Happy Birthday to a stranger? Speak to the supervisor of the person who has just helped you with a problem? Wear a hat to make a fashion statement? Write a note to your neighbor with chalk on your asphalt driveway? Had cranky kids in the car, no juice and made the wish that the windshield washer fluid was really lemonade? Take a silly picture and send it as a text message? So often we get caught up in being grown ups. Since when does that preclude us from waking up our inner child? That person still lives inside us and celebrates permission to come out and PLAY. Please do.
Breaking Through
I bought several amaryllis bulbs early in December, knowing that they would not bloom in time for Christmas. In past years I have given them as gifts and this year ended up keeping them because I bought other things as presents. One had grown at a right angle and I had to prop it up with a fork until it straightened out. Another grew tall leaves with not a single flower. Another grew one puny leaf and that was all. It started out a disappointing year. Then the other plants began to show their buds. Whereas in the past I was excited about having two flowers, this winter I was seeing plants with four, six and EIGHT beautiful red flowers. I photo documented their growth with great pride and enthusiasm. But wait...what's this? The bulb with the one little leaf was beginning to show signs of another sprout. That is what you see here. Let's watch it together and use it as a metaphor for life.
Transitioning
Walking around with a pocket heavy with loose change can weigh you down and cause a rip in the seam of your pants. Having paper money in your wallet makes much more sense, There is also a glorious feeling watching the coin counter as it reaches hundreds of dollars. Where else in your life does it make sense to transition to a new form? Changes can start simply and in small degrees. Perhaps food choices could reflect less sugar and more vegetables. Spending less time watching TV and more time reading, and spending less money on coffee and making it at home, and more time making eye contact with your spouse, and practicing a gentler voice in agitation, and breathing more deeply when stressed are all forms of change. Sometimes the word transition is easier to accept, as it implies a gradual action. However you choose to think about it, taking action to move yourself closer to where you want to be is a constructive process.
Lean on Me
How often does it feel like you haven't enough energy to meet the coming day? What if someone smiles at you, makes eye contact with understanding or nods in acknowledgment of your fatigue or discouragement? Even better, a hug or gentle touch on the shoulder conveys concern. Sometimes we need to physically lean on another person, even for a moment. Their willingness to support us with their strength is a sign of compassion and caring. Often that brief connection refreshes us enough to complete our task. More importantly, on those occasions when we are the ones who needs to be strong, our ability to uphold and encourage someone else assures us of our own inner capacity. Humanity reflected as a mirror brightens many dark corners. Our light combined with the light of others changes our corner of the world. What a joy to experience that as a sunrise of light, warmth and hope.
How Long Does it Really Take?
I had several phone calls to make and kept putting them off, sure that they would each take 20-30 minutes. After a couple of days I committed to getting it done and promised myself that I would not go home until I made the calls. As I approached my home, was half a mile away, I pulled into the parking lot of real estate office and parked. I made a note of the time and made the first call. It went to voicemail and I made the second call. That one did not have a message and the call disconnected. The third and fourth calls also went to voicemail. I looked at the clock and saw that six minutes had passed. The previous week had been spent postponing, procrastinating, making excuses and ignoring. I pretended that I forgot. How silly. Six minutes and DONE! Lesson learned...until next time.